Week 2

It is officially week 2 of the Valentine’s Marriage Challenge.

Week 1 was hard, but it was a constant challenge to me to filter- first my thoughts, and then the words that exit from those thoughts. Trying desperately to edify my husband…because he is so worth it.

Well, in case you forgot, week 2 is all about becoming creative with our praise. Instead of just telling your man that he’s a hunk, write it in the steam on the bathroom mirror, or slip a note onto his dashboard.

Basically: Go out of of your way to make his day.

I am planning some stuff- we shall see. The end goal of it all is basically summed up in this quote I saw on Pinterest today…because “the big day” fades so quickly in light of the everyday, doesn’t it? I want every day to be breathtaking, even in the muck. I want him to feel loved, not just remember love. Who’s with me?

Psst! I’ll be back later with a yummy bread recipe. You want to come back- promise!

Verbal Gerbil

{This post has nothing to do with gerbils. I did however pet some today & they were very cute. This post does, however, have something to do with verbalization, so it seemed fitting. Thanks for you understanding.}

Well, I wasn’t going to officially “check-in” until later this week on the marriage challenge…but I feel like I need to do a check-up on myself now.

As in right.this.very.minute.

This thing is hard. If you haven’t decided to try it out yet, I challenge you to!

I adore my husband. I mean, head over heels for the man- his looks, his personality, him, him, him.

And I tell him that I love him ALL of the time. People probably get tired of hearing it.

But telling him I love him, and praising him are not the same thing.

Praising him for the things he does for me, acknowledging the sacrifices he makes for our family, and the effort he makes to be tender, yet strong at the same time- those things are the tougher things to verbalize. He has quite the job…  So why is it so hard to swallow the lump in my throat and tell him so? Out loud.

I’m not an overly gushy, mushy person. I suppose at one time, it would have come more naturally (you’d be surprised the things that come out when you talk to a person for4-5 hours at a time on the phone – so long that your ear is literally burning…ahh the dating game,) but now there are times when it feels hard. When the trash bags pile up, the car has no gas, and the kid is cranky, the edifying-machine gets a little rusty. There are also, because of my caustically sarcastic tendencies, so many times that not so edifying comments flow… with ease. argh.

So anyway- all of that to say that I am surprised. It’s harder than I thought. And it is also a constant check-point in my mind. All of the things I want to say just “off the cuff” are going through a register of – Is saying this going to edify your husband?

It’s a welcomed change. I won’t quit! I am determined. The mind-trap will just have to stay busy, because I want my words to be checked. I want my words to build up my husband so that there is never a doubt in his mind that he is everything I have ever wanted or needed in a husband.

Image Credit

Valentine’s Marriage Challenge

I used to wish my husband would read my blog religiously & rave over my work…

Not this month!

I recently linked up to a marriage challenge, so shh! Don’t tell him…it’s a secret! 🙂 The challenge is called:

The challenge is comprised of 4 weeks of Intentional Love. Purposing to place the needs of my husband before my own, to encourage him, to bless him, to truly love him. So, I have decided to follow along. Each week, I’ll stop in here with a check-in (for you) and a check-up (for myself) to make sure I stay on track as well as to share some of my ideas and experiences with the challenge.

Also, Courtney from Women Living Well is the brains of this operation, so you can check in with her each week as well for encouragement along the way.

The 4 Weeks of the Challenge are as follows:

1- Look for ways to verbally praise your husband

2- Get more creative with praise- notes on the mirror,  in the car, with sidewalk chalk, etc.

3- Pursue intimacy and place the intimate needs of your man above your own.

4- Ask your husband what HE wants for Valentine’s Day & do your best to make it happen. Make the day about him!

So, here I go! Wish me luck & if you decide to take the challenge as well, let me know & I’ll try to cheer you on your way too!

Oh and PS- Maybe you aren’t married. You can still take the challenge. Obviously the intimacy will be a different type, but the challenge is really about seeking for ways to build up the OTHER people in our relationships more than ourselves.

Dreams

Invincible.
Thinner than ever, hair halfway down my back & fixed every day, with a year-round tan.
Dating a hunk of a man, roaming our college campus, playing sports and traveling together. Eating out whenever we pleased, buying extravagant gifts for each other & dreaming of the someday.
Dating looked good on me.

Over the moon.
The ring shone like nothing I’d ever worn before. Princess cut, just like I asked for. He knew me so well. He even asked my Dad for his blessing- and got it. Starry eyed.
We planned our house, picked and registered for just the right colors and went to marriage counseling which we just knew we were too prepared to learn anything from. 🙂
We couldn’t wait for that ONE day.
Engagement looked good on us.

Breathless.
Nothing prepares you for that first morning of waking up next to the man of your dreams. It was literally the stuff of dreams… We booked our own hotel room, came and went when we chose, and asked no one’s opinion but our own.
We were finally living that day.
Marriage felt right to us.

Then we came home from our honeymoon to an oil-heated house…without oil.

I cried. This wasn’t the “life.” The life that I signed up for was the honeymoon mountain cabin…the warm one with a crackling turned-on-by-a-button fireplace, 2 huge flatscreen TV’s, and sparkling grape juice on mountain-view balconies.

Our dish soap had congealed, the toilet seat would’ve made a polar bear squirm, and there may have been an occasion where milk (forgotten atop the counter overnight) didn’t go bad…or even get warm.

These days, the house is warm, and the dish soap remains liquid, but I don’t feel quite so glamorous. Our goings and comings aren’t quite as carefree as they once were, and my stylishness has all but disappeared – replaced by some pounds I can’t seem to lose, a stained t-shirt from trying to wrangle a PBJ schmeared toddler, hair pulled back for lack of time that morning to fix it, and jeans that could have been washed that week.

I begin to think, “This life…it doesn’t look good on me, or feel good to me.”

Then my toddler looks at me and says “Debu lub you Nana!” Or my husband, who is every bit the hunk he once was, wraps his arms around me and tells me thank you for fixing him dinner.

It’s not elegant, and it may not be the tune I once dreamed of dancing to, but I am thankful for it. Thankful that God has blessed me with this life… Thankful that,

7 1/2 years after meeting my man, I am still so in love with him.

5 years of marriage haven’t changed my mind.

2 1/2 years with our son, and my heart still swells with love every time I think of how blessed I am to have those little PBJ hands dirtying my shirts…

So if I… no scratch that, I’m human after all… When I act like I’m not thankful for it, remind me that I am.

Ok?

Psalm 118:28
  You are my God, and I will give you thanks; you are my God, and I will exalt you.

Over the Edge

Have you noticed the movie/TV trend of accident-induced amnesia recently? “The Vow,” “Grimm,” something else I can’t remember… (no I didn’t have an accident.)

Yeah, I’m all over that trend. I laugh, I cry, I ask my husband “Can you even imagine that???” like 1,000 times, then I cry again.

Anyway, it has now permeated the book realm- which I guess technically is where it started- so I guess it’s taken back the book realm.

My latest book review was titled Over the Edge written by Mary Connealy.

Seth Kincaid was a soldier injured in the Civil War. While injured, he met a nurse. A beautiful, mesmerizing nurse, whose unorthodox nursing methods seemed to help him heal more quickly. Kissing the patients can’t hurt, right? On a whim, Seth proposes to Callie, marries her after 2 weeks, and leaves the army hospital with her.

A few days later, he leaves her. Just walks away.

Callie is heartbroken. Chiding herself for so hastily marrying a stranger, she begins to realize that she is pregnant. With his child. Scared and alone, she goes home to her judgmental father who is none too proud of his daughter’s choices.

Through a series of unexpected events, Callie finds herself alone…again…only this time, she has a child to tend to. The sharp-witted, fightin’ spirit inside of her decides to do something about it. She’ll find that Seth Kincaid and kill him if she has to- her child will get the inheritance he deserves.

Little does Callie know that when she finds Seth Kincaid, she will have to meet him all over again.

Seth remembers everything…except getting married.

When I first saw the cover of this book, I almost didn’t choose it. It looked cheesy. Her stance was just too sassy, his grin looked fake, the script screamed “western” in an all-too-obvious way…basically everything just turned me away. That being said, the synopsis of the book sounded good- so just like that, I was sucked back in to the amnesia cycle.

I am so glad I gave in! I loved this book. The characters were feisty and real, there was plenty of romance as the characters “refound” a marriage, and there was a little bit of danger/mystery as well.

Connealy did an excellent job of portraying the feelings of betrayal on the part of Callie, as well as Seth’s complete confusion, yet desire to rebuild his family.

As usual, I loved the setting- post Civil War America, the western frontier, etc.

All in all, a great read. Best part? It’s book #3 in a series about the Kincaid brothers. I’ll let you know how I like the first two… 🙂

Check out the Book Video Trailer on YouTube

PS- As is the case with all of my Bethany House Publisher reviews, the book was provided to me for free by Bethany House Publishers, but the opinions are ALL mine. You can’t buy this stuff, folks! 🙂

 

Marriage & Recipes

I think every married woman has been there- that one recipe that his mom or grandma made that just can’t.be.beat.

Try as you might, it never turns out the same. Could be the pan she used, or just the fact that she has made it a thousand times- either way, yours isn’t the same as his grandma’s.

In our house, it’s No-Bake Cookies. My family made ours rich and chocolatey, his Nanny’s are peanut-buttery & more creamy.

I’ve tried adding more PB, less cocoa, no vanilla, fewer oats, less boiling time, etc. They’re so good, they just don’t taste like hers. I even tried her recipe, and they weren’t the same.

My husband is always complimentary though. It doesn’t change the fact that his Nanny’s are his favorite, but he always devours mine & thanks me for making them.

They’re just different.

The real reason for my rant about No-Bake Cookies? We wives are doing the same thing that drives us crazy to our husbands.

I have read many posts on facebook, from married women, that make me cringe. Married women saying things about their fathers like, “He’s the best man in the world.” Or “My dad is the most giving, caring, man I know.” “He’s the world’s best Dad.”

Umm…you’re married right?

Your father may have been the best father in the world for YOU, I know mine was. He did what was best for me- and he was and still is a great Father. But when I got married, he GAVE me to my husband.

I chose to marry my husband because, for me, he is the very best man in the world. He loves me, guides me, and protects me. For our son, he is the best father in the world. I cherish the times that I get to watch him snuggle up and read a book with Elijah, or wrestle him on the floor. I adore the strength I hear in his voice when he has to discipline our son.

If it bothers me that I can never match up to something so silly as Mom or Grandma’s recipe, how very flippant of me to expect it not to hurt my husband when I constantly (whether subconsciously or not) compare him to my Dad.

I want my man to know that he has my complete admiration. I want him to feel adored and respected.

I don’t want him to cower underneath unrealistic expectations that are placed when I call someone else “the best.”

To me, he is the best.

And I don’t want him to ever doubt it.

Amendment One

In case you live under a rock, or on a deserted island, yet still have access to this blog, I thought I’d give you a heads up: North Carolina just voted in an amendment meant to qualify marriage as a union between one man and one woman.

I’ve struggled for over a week with this post. I’ve thought of many things I wanted to shout from the mountaintops, and I’ve read many things that made me want to crawl in a hole somewhere.

I voted for this Amendment. If you read my blog at all, you shouldn’t be surprised. I don’t make decisions like that based on emotion, or political sway. I made that decision because I believe, to the very core of my being, that my God, the God who has mightily changed my life, has already defined marriage as being between one man and one woman, so my definition ought to match His.

I have read many posts, statuses, and angry comments from proponents of both sides. I’ve read very few objective, kind articles. And truthfully, I am not concerned about writing a “kind” post. I want to write an honest post. God’s Word is divisive.

I battled for a long time over what words, of the thousands that seemed to swarm in my head for days and days, were worthy of being shared. Then tonight, I saw the quote that answered it for me.

“May we be consumed with the Creator of all things, rather than with things created.”

You see, sin is sin.

Idolatry is sin.

Anything that I place before my God is idolatry.

If I place my relationship with my husband before my relationship with my Savior, then I am sinning.

If I love my son more deeply than the God who created me, then I am sinning.

Homosexuality is another form of idolatry- placing a relationship before the desires of your Creator for your life.

There is no sin less sinful than another sin.

Christ died for all sins- for the sin of homosexuality, as much as my sins- which are many.

My life has afforded me the opportunity to work with and to know people of many different backgrounds and marital choices. I have loved these people, and have called these people friends. Because they are people, who deserve to be respected, and people to whom I am called to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I cannot touch them with hatred. It can’t be done.

I realize that the political arena has no intention of being gentle or kind. But I pray that those who are believers, will be.

Speak in love, and remember to be consumed with your Creator.

MY Creator who died for my lying, cheating, stealing, disrespectful, sexually immoral, filthy life. Because at the core if it all, that describes us all, doesn’t it?

Even our best amounts to dirty rags.