Generally, I am not a “material” person. I don’t feel that I find my worth in my material possessions- most of the time.
Just to be honest with you though, my main spiritual battle right now is with contentment. Contentment with my home.
If you’ve read my posts before, you know that I love the home we live in now. It is a darling home, in a nice neighborhood, with an excellent yard, and great neighbors. It is in good repair, and is overall pretty wonderful.
It belongs to someone else.
I don’t know why my mind is so hung-up on home ownership. But it is. Like I said- I battle with it. I constantly have to remind myself to be thankful- which is pretty darn silly when I am so very blessed.
So I’ve been really trying to meditate on being thankful and knowing that God has us here, in our current situation, for a reason.
I am a constant re-decorator, with an itch to change things around in the house. I want new colors, new arrangements, new styles, new garden arrangements in the yard, anything to make the home more “us.” I am a chronic DIY-er, and love to tear down & rebuild.
Yet I constantly feel like I don’t want to spend too much money on changes that I, one day, will leave behind in this home. My DIY bones are itching like crazy, but it’s not my home, so permanent changes are out of the question.
The more I’ve thought about it, I’ve seen a striking comparison to God the Father.
How often must He look at me and think, “Why is she investing SO much in her life there? Doesn’t she know that’s not her home?”
How frustrating to watch your children throw so much away, in pursuit of things that will not last.
The more I pour into building my life here on earth, the less I am able to focus on eternity, and those things that will matter for eternity.
Is owning a home wrong? Absolutely not. And I pray that one day, God will allow us that privilege (and burden, some of you might argue!)
But as long as I am dwelling on building my earthly kingdom, instead of focusing on building God’s Kingdom, then maybe I just don’t need a home of my own.
“He’s still working on me, to make me what I oughtta be…”