Can I get that in writing?

I like guarantees.

“Would you like to buy the warranty on that scarf?”

“Yes Ma’am, I would.”

Yep, I like to know that things will be ok- if something happens to my scarf, it’ll be replaced or fixed. A warranty guarantees it.

But in “real life,” there are no guarantees.

THAT is something that keeps me reeling.

Today I saw a commercial for St. Jude’s. I was moved to compassion and tears like never before. Because the parents of those beautiful children probably worried all through their pregnancies, only to breathe a huge sigh of relief when their “healthy” baby was born.

Then, only a few short years down the road, the doctor said the word “cancer,” about their BABY?

I just began reading the book Unlocked by Karen Kingsbury. The book tells the story of a “healthy” boy, who around the age of 3 develops autism and is closed off to his family, and begins routines of strange behavior, etc. Their healthy baby boy, who sang and played, laughed and hugged them with all the love a sweet baby can muster, began shunning them and becoming agitated at their touch, not responding to them.

Their “guarantee” was shattered.

In my head, I know that my son, my precious son, is the Lord’s. But oh, just to be able to fully convince my heart. This is my mother’s heart, being brutally honest with you…

Sometimes I want to watch him sleep all night long, just to make sure he’s ok.

Sometimes, when he wrestles with his Daddy, I watch in fear of him hurting his neck or back.

Sometimes, when he eats, I find myself watching every facial expression just to make sure that he isn’t choking.

Sometimes, when I see other children suffering with cancer, I want to rush him to the doctor and have every possible test run, just to “make sure” everything’s ok.

Not every time, but sometimes…

Because I am not sure that I could handle it if something happened.

I love him beyond words, more than my very life.

But at the end of it all, there is one guarantee that I know to be rock-solid. The one that I have to remind myself of so very often:

Isaiah 43:2-3a When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God…your Savior.

I don’t know the plans He has for my family down the road- but I know they will be good- plans that will glorify Him.

And I pray that, along the way, my heart- my human, mother’s heart- will learn to be more trusting.

Trusting of a Savior who will, no matter what, go with me.

6 Months Old 🙂




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