I washed a load of clothes & set them on the couch to fold them. Before I could start folding, I realized I had to check on something first.
Went and took care of that something, and came back just in time to say, “WAIT, don’t do th….” Oh well.
I guess some of those clothes go back in the wash.
A little post-breakfast, yogurt smeared face had happily found its’ way right into my pile of clean clothes. What fun. Folded the rest and put them away.
No big deal.
Not to be deterred from my cleaning, I got the vacuum out. I vacuumed every inch of my living room, even used the upholstery attachments, searching out every crumb that had somehow snuck under my couch cushions, and every goldfish gone astray. I, and my little helper, watched in awe as the machine sucked those fish up, one by one.
Success! A clean living room.
For about 10 minutes, that is. Enter peanut butter crackers, a mid-morning snack. Lest you think miniature peanut butter crackers are a one-bite poppable snack, like I thought, let me elaborate… You must take each cracker apart, smear the peanut butter as best you can all over everything around you, and all over yourself. THEN, lay one of the slobbery crackers down while you scarf the other one down, dropping many a crumb. Then proceed to do the same with the second cracker. Or so said my 19 month old.
So, we cleaned that mess up.
Again and again, my day seemed to be a pattern of 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
Then, during naptime, I got on facebook. A friend had this as her status, “It’s amazing how much work it takes to make it look like nothing has happened at your house all day.”
To which I responded, “Oh, you read my weary mind :).”
I don’t want to commiserate. I don’t want to be in shared misery with anyone. This life that I lead, this life of crumb-seeking, it’s not miserable.
It, at times, feels like someone has pressed the “repeat” button, and I am just doing the same tasks over and over again, but getting nowhere.
But this life that I lead, this life of cleaning peanut butter smears, it is so very fulfilling.
Every time my little one learns something new, I am re-energized.
Every time we play hide-and-seek, I am overjoyed.
Every time we snuggle before bedtime and talk about our day, I am reminded of all the little blessings throughout the day.
Sometimes, in the moment, I see peanut butter smears and crumbled goldfish, instead of memories and blessings.
I’m working on it…
But I just wanted to say- to those of you, my friends- both mommies, and those who aren’t yet mothers- you, those of you who are transparent enough to say that sometimes, sometimes it isn’t all perfect…that sometimes it’s tough, and you have to squint really hard to see the light at the end of that day’s tunnel…I appreciate you.
I don’t consider the sharing between friends as commiserating, I consider it encouraging. I feel like, even though it may just be on facebook, you have come alongside of me, put your arm around my shoulder, and said, “It gets to all of us sometimes! It’s ok- you’re still a good mommy!”
So thank you! From the bottom of my full and overflowing Mommy heart…